The impact of terrorism around the world

[Knnn]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get theBastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory in Vichy, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!," "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

[heckler]

and the Canucks?

[heckler]

oops, wrong term around here. I meant Canadiens.

[heckler]

dammit... Canadians?

[switch]

Candiens raised their level from "hosers" to "take off, eh".

[DARTHYOGA]

Canadians are as apathetic as ever about the whole ordeal. Until a Timmy's is in danger I don't see the threat level changing.

[rewoga]

Of course, the Canadian Threat level has been at "Damn, the US won the Stanley Cup AGAIN, Eh!" for some time, but was recently updated to "Damn, the US won the world juniors, Eh!". It is feared that the alert level may be raised to "Damn, the US won the men's Olympic Gold, Eh!", but that has yet to be seen. However, we have heard that the Navy, err Canoe brigade has been on a high level of alert and was recently seen training in overland tactics with their tactical conoe's aggressively positioned on their heads.

[KenN]

Originally Posted by heckler

and the Canucks?

Clearly, the terrorists are behind the calling of those soft penalties.

Kn.

[enduramil]

Originally Posted by rewoga

However, we have heard that the Navy, err Canoe brigade has been on a high level of alert and was recently seen training in overland tactics with their tactical conoe's aggressively positioned on their heads.

Under light beer swilling Enguneer supervision of course.

[enduramil]

Originally Posted by KenN

Clearly, the terrorists are behind the calling of those soft penalties.

Kn.

Infidel

[gooch]

Originally Posted by heckler

oops, wrong term around here. I meant Canadiens.

22-21-4 barely .500 hockey and only slightly better than the makemelaughs

[JayDub]

I've heard just the French part before:

TERRORISM ALERT IN FRANCE

AP/UPI (PARIS-03/18/2005): It is reported that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate." The raise was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion.

[rewoga]

Originally Posted by JayDub

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion.

WAT? Do you normally take an accordian deer hunting? The things I must be missing out on as a non hunter...

[Mic]

We are fucked. Pretty much.

[enduramil]

This wouldn't have occurred if CTU hadn't given Jack Bauer a vacation.