Pist-N-Broke Stories

[cam@nsmb.com]

You can also post them here if you don't want to email them to me.

Here's one I got today from Greg P.

Of course this is a true story... I hate to admit it but I was a ski bum in the Kooteney's years ago riding at Red Mountain. The sad part was I was living in Trail not Rosland! I used to ride my cross country bike to work along the river banks in the blazing heat where I worked in a bar/ restaurant. Like clock work after the shift we poached all of the beer and wine from the banquets that night and hung out until we were all blitzed. Long story short going home after was always a test of mental and physical peakness, dodging beer cans being thrown by passing red necks and staring down at the yellow line to keep myself straight and alive in the darkness. Up comes the hill from hell where I attempted a pathetic wheely with my seat post no less than 30 inches high, flipping my drunk ass onto my backf or a nice ass skid to stall on a meridian. So drunk and pathetic, laying their clipped into my bike up and against a highway meridian softly falling asleep with my fluffy bag on my back. I woke up with one leg fast asleep and the other spread eagle on the road airing myself out. and a guy across the way loading his truck up staring at another transiant passed out on the street.
It was the best day of my life.
That guy!

[SIDESHOW]

wow thought there would be more of a response on these kind of stories...

not much to do to get a ride in a limo to party in Whis..with beer money...

[SIDESHOW]

maybe the best Cory&Ambrose story might be more fun....hmm

[cam@nsmb.com]

Patience young Jedi. People need fluffing.

[andyy]

*edited*

[wheeler]

This one time, i was going to the lake with my uncle cause he rented it and then i was like "hey, dood"

[Jaysin]

and in typical fashion, wheelers 43 year old ass comes in and drops a bomb to corrupt the funnty atmosphere cam had set.

Cam, I pictured it, pictured you, and had a good laugh

[wheeler]

and in typical fashion, wheelers 43 year old ass comes in and drops a bomb to corrupt the funnty atmosphere cam had set.

Cam, I pictured it, pictured you, and had a good laugh

JUst my ass. the rest of me is 29.
Lets hear your story Jaysin. Like when you got hammered and rode your bike to subway and they were out of veggie subs.

[LeeLau]

For a couple of summers I lived out of the back of my truck in the school parking lot. I saved on rent, the security guards kept an eye on my stuff. I had a bed in the back, kayak and surfboards and windsurf gear on the roof and the bike stayed in the truck bed. That old 83 Ford Ranger went everywhere - not fast - but it went everywhere and if anything broke down i could always go the boneyard and get a part.

I did summer school but also worked - using the school computers to do work on other people's computers. I also tried going to class but it would often be rudely interrupted by good surf sessions at Sombrio or Jordan River or windsurfing.

To make a long story short, I'd do this so i could take 2 months off at the end of summer to roadtrip to the Oregon Coast and the Gorge to sail and surf. The truck went with me and i got to know every free place to camp up and down the coast - usually close to highways or to traintracks - that's why they're free. I also got chased out of a few all you can eat places although with a full backpack.

Anyway, one trip found me and my buddy down on I-5 coming back from the Coast heading to the gorge. Well the Ranger's rear wheels lost grease - coupling must have gone and the fitting leaked - the rear axle sheared and it dropped to the ground. Luckily I'd slowed down because when you start losing a wheel off your driveshaft it really feels like your tire;s going flat. So the truck flops to the ground and stops - the grease in the wheelwell catches fire.

My buddy runs out and starts grabbing gear off the roof; I run to put out the fire - extinguisher doesn't work - lucky we have ice teas in the back. Waste of good ice tea.

It all ends well. I have my Dad's BCAA membership so get a free tow to a wrecker in Portland. My gear goes to a buddy's garage in that same city. I get 50 bucks for the truck and go car-less for the next year and a bit.

[Jaysin]

JUst my ass. the rest of me is 29.
Lets hear your story Jaysin. Like when you got hammered and rode your bike to subway and they were out of veggie subs.

:lol: judging by your pics, you should give it a shot, might do you some good for your future health....

[counterpoint]

ummm, just wondering...how are these going to be posted and more importantly,

what if the story is a little more than rated PG 13?

[Taylor_P]

ummm, just wondering...how are these going to be posted and more importantly,

what if the story is a little more than rated PG 13?


then its even better, post it up.

[Smoke]

Yeah, there's a story behind this one.....

http://www.bushpilotbiking.com/map/05_freeride_gallery/squamish/image_13.jpg

[white ri0t]

Enjoy, and don't be so haste to pass judgement, eh?

So about 2 years back or so, right before the time I decided to become a seaman, a buddy of mine were out and about on our 243s, cruising around and such. As the evening wore on a rumble in the jungle was beginning to develop in our empty gullets. Now I had myself a cushy office job; employed by a fellow dirt bag mountain biker. This meant that we had safe storage of our bikes in said office. Said office was rather conveniently located near Malone's, a real hot spot for exchange students to go out and get down.

So after copious amounts of chicken wings, beer and bullshitting we noticed a couple of young ladies, clearly not of Canadian birth. Alas, there were three rather greasy Indo Canadians all over them like bad shirts. In fact, all three of them were clad in bad shirts. Now this is not to say that all Indo Canadians are greasy, just these fellows were.

So me and my buddy sidle on up to the bar with a rather noticeable swagger that to the sober observer would be comical. We kept eyeing up the targets of our misguided affection; the whole while the grease balls were giving us the stink eye(s). Now over another barley pop we noticed that there was a bit of a dilemma. One was hotter than the other. What to do? Who would take one for the team and make a play for the Hispanic looking one over the Euro chick? Best 2 out of 3, Ro Sham Bo. After flapping rock, paper and scissors around for a while (and all the while getting even more stink eye from the other dudes) I emerged defeated, obligated to take one for the team.

Much like the Snowbirds we listed in, leaning a tad to port and letting out a steady stream of exhaust. These two ladies were clearly in awe from our tandem efforts. Clearly. More beer followed and the greasy guys stink eyed their way back to Surrey or wherever. One thing led to another and we were in my buddy’s car, me behind the wheel, my prize for the night and my buddy rolling around with the poor Swiss girl in the back.

Rolling across Lion’s gate bridge I take a gander in the rear view, my buddy is finger poking the neutral Swiss territory? Looking down I am getting my first hummer from a Hispanic. Clutching and braking and trying not to shoot this poor girl’s eye out is proving to be quite a test of me, luckily years of debauchery have prepared me for this moment. We arrive at the Swiss girl’s home stay and much to my disappointment there is nary any chocolate to be seen! Much to my buddy’s disappointment she’s not ready for a Canadian invasion. Pile back into the civic, head to my house. I get my buddy to shoot the shit with the girl for a bit so I can bust in my door and make the joint look presentable. He takes off and one thing leads to another and I’m south of the border, making a run for the dirt road, which she didn’t seem to mind one bit. I was crossing my fingers, hoping that all this action and cervacas didn’t lead up to me finding last night’s frijoles. Now it’s getting late, and while she’s not directly cutting into Mountain Biking Time (a big no no) I decide it’s time for her to hit the road. She starts talking and wanting to cuddle, I’m trying to tell her that it’s not that far a walk home to her house and that she doesn’t really need a ride. No deal. Hop in my van, drop her off and she starts carrying on about telephones and such. Yeah, my buddy has your number or your friend has his number get it off of one of them alright thanks for coming out sport….


**disclaimer: I donut promote nor do I like to drink and drive. But hey. You asked for a story about debauchery and dirt baggery, now didn’t you?

[apeshape]

Back in the days before 24 hour debit machines I once drove to Vancouver from Kelowna to see Metallica play the Colluseum. We blew all our dough on booze and Metallica shirts so we resorted to drunken panhandling and competing with bummies picking up cans all night so we could redeem them the next day for gas money home. Not a proud moment but I learned the back of an F150 can hold more cans than a shopping cart.

And to answer the obvious question. Why didn't we simply wait for the banks to open...banks ain't open on Sunday.

[Smoke]

Oh...there's another story here.


http://bushpilotbiking.com/gallery/albums/wpw-20060708/File0044.jpg

[Joe Dick]

I'll keep this as A.D.D. short as I can.

two small town punks make thier way to the city, we're both under-aged up have been getting into the bars back home for a few months now. crashing at a friends moms place out in surry, but spending most nights in Van getting pissed as the 'ho. comes clossing time on, the trains have long since stopped running, and between us we can scrape together about 50c. one of us come up with the bright idea of taking a cab out to surry and ditching it when we get close. so we find the oldest cab we can (no power locks on the doors eh) and away we go. about 10 minuets into the ride the cabby figures us out and starts asking for 30 bucks up front. him being south asian, we play the whole, "I don't understand what your saying" card. by this time he's off the highway circling through random side roads. this goes on for a couple minutes before I finlly figure, fuck this. (back story, at this time I had half dozen sky diving jumps under my belt). I grab the door hand while were crusing at about 40km/h down a four lane road, look my friend in the eye grab the door handle and bam... I'm out the door, skidding down the road on my back watching trafic coming at me. roll to my feet and run to the side walk looking for my friend. no where, see the cabs tail lights come on at he slows to turn off the road, door opens, and I see buddy rolling into the middle of the road.

I'm running through people back yards franticly trying to find my friend, the cabby is circling the block looking for us. we finaly meet up, and he's like "dude I think I wacked my head" as he shows me his hand covered in blood. I have a look and hes' got and inch by and inch vee shaped gash on the top of his head. not wanting to freak him out I tell him it's nothing and hand him one of my shirts (I'm wearing two) to wrap around his head. we spend the next hour hidding from the cabby and the cops.

hours later we've made it to surry, walk in the door as our host is heading out to work. "good night boys" I don't know I mummble, ask him, as i pass out on the couch.

[SIDESHOW]

is the contest about drunken debauchery Cam??

A good Pist-n-Broke tale would have to involve some resourcefulness in light of cashless times....hmmmm

thanks for the great stories so far peeps.......

[SIDESHOW]

ha and anyone that can't spell Surry, is not gettin in my limo Mr. Dick....lol

[Joe Dick]

I knew I was spelling it wrong, along with so many other word, but I'm lazy. beside, unless you want to pony up for a Zhongdian (Yunnan, China)/ Vancouver return, I'm not going any ways. way bigger thing on the plate then getting drunk with you. ha ha. just though I'd share. got another one that ends in "no no money first", but I'll leave that alone.

[BrianPark]

One time Johnny Smoke took my picture.

PS. Cory you'll have to pick me up from Oliver.

[Dude]

Resourcefulness in light of cashless times, eh? Drunken debauchery is too easy.

A long, long, time ago, I can still remember…

The summer of 1994 I made the decision to travel to Winnipeg to sell books door-to-door for the summer. A great way (as they told us) to gain life experience, travel, and make a lot of cash. I got in a beat up old Toyota Celica with four other nearly cashless students the day after Pavel Bure scored in the 7th game of OT and sent Calgary packing. We made our way first to Nashville, TN for “training” (AKA: Brainwashing) for a week, then on to Manitoba. I left home with $300.00 in my wallet, and nothing else.

Nashville was sticky, sticky hot in late April. We checked all four of us in to a cheap motel, and for 5 days drank a lot of water, frequented a lot of all-you-can-eat joints (a la Lee), and got ourselves trained up on the secrets of selling books to Mrs. Jones. From there, we somehow got the Celica up to Manitoba, found another cheep motel, and gave ourselves two days and two nights to find places to live. Cheep places to live. And how, you ask? Well, knocking on doors, of course.

If you have ever wondered what it is like to spend a day in a neighborhood cold calling, and asking people if they wouldn’t mind renting a room or two out, for cheep, to a couple of college students that would be living there for the summer, but hopefully never around, call me and I’ll be delighted to give you the blow-by-blow.

By the end of the day, I happened upon this little house on the riverfront, by the U of Manitoba. #5 King Street. The owner was a lady in her 50’s, Barbara, who lived in the house with her crazy mother who always repeated things twice (“Oh, hello Michael. Hello Michael.”), and her late 20's son, whom my roommate and me were sure was playing for the other team. The guy was big on 70’s tennis wear, right down to the mid thigh shorts and creepy porn moustache. Our digs consisted of a small room in the basement w/ two single beds, and a bathroom next to it w/ a stand up shower. We share it with 60% of Winnipeg's spider population. We had limited use of the fridge upstairs, and were allowed to use the kitchen when we came home at night, after pounding the pavement. Our rent was $20.00 each a week, but Barbara and I made a deal that for $25.00 / week, I could drink all the milk I could handle (“I don’t want your mom to think I don’t take care of you”). One strict rule: no booze, girls, or drugs.

Now that we found a place to live, I had another problem: transportation. I needed a bike. So, first day in the field, I took to asking every door if they wanted to get rid of a bike, cheep. I got my hands on a very old Raleigh 10 speed road bike, for $5.00. I didn’t lock it, until one day I was working in a rough part of town, and guy even more pist n’ broke than I tried to steal my ride. So, from then on I’d ride my Three’s Company Special 10 speed to the book field, lock it up, and ride home at night. I probably put in 20-30 KM a day on that hunk of shit, and at the end of the summer, I had a little ceremony where the Raleigh took a plunge off the Red River Bridge. I know, I know…pack in what you pack out…

So, for 3-1/2 months, we worked 13 hours a day, 6 days a week, Sundays off. My roommate and I would get pissed every Saturday night, usually at the campus pub, where we could actually afford the beer. God bless Winnipeg girls. Barbara would wait up every Saturday night for us to come home, and lecture us about our sinning.

I had a lot of “interesting” experiences in trying to convince Mrs. Jones she needed to get little Johnny a set of these great study guides. In my 3rd week in the field, I had a blond, rebuilt, late 30’s bombshell come and answer the door in only a white towel, and dragged me in for a glass of wine. Like a deer caught in headlights, I got out of there when she brought out the shot glasses. Not sure I’d make that same decision today.

Got stopped by the cops at least once / week, got robbed once, fought off the provincial bird (mosquito) non-stop, saw a convenience store owner kick a homeless women in the mouth when she tried to steal a bag of chips, was accused by Barbara that I stole her Preston Manning book and sold it, and ate a hell of a lot of Pasta, BP & J, and $1.89 breakfast specials (two eggs, two strips of bacon or sausage links, & a plate full of hash browns).

Met a ton of great families, too- people that would pull you in for a glass of lemonade when the sun beat down, or a bowl of soup on a cold day. This was more of a regular occurrence than not. When you knock on 50 doors a day, you come across some pretty incredible and generous people. Winnipeg may be a hole, but the people are easily it’s best resource.

Made some pretty good coin, which was all blown before the end of first semester.

The Celica never did make it through the summer, so at the end of it all, we bought a crappy Cordoba for $100.00, and limped that bad boy across the prairies, over the mountains, and to the sweet, sweet Pacific. Parked it in Vancouver with the keys in it, and walked away.

[SIDESHOW]

^^^ now we're cookin with gas.

[cam@nsmb.com]

Hey Cam, this did not actually happen to me, but to my roomate, who I am sure would love to have this story get out!! Anyway, last year when we were finishing up University in Ontario we where so broke but obviously wanted to whoop it up, so he spent his last 24 bux on a 24 for 24 case of beer called Lakeport Pilsner I think it was, anyway we got home from the bar and he was starving so he decided that it would not be a bad idea to make a chicken salad sandwich, except he had no chicken, however he did have a can of chicken cat food, needless to say he made a chicken salad sandwich with the chicken cat food. THE WORST part is that he went back and made a second. Anyway goodluck in your search!

--
Rob

[SIDESHOW]

well the deadline is here, and I gotta say that the amount of submissions was pretty weak.


we will pick a winner in the next 48hrs.


so basically a $1200 limo ride to whistler with a $250 bar tab, with all your fave rockstars and a hundred bucks at denny's when your loaded before you gt picked up wouldn't be worth the trouble of typing in a kickass story about making it work in hard times.


your about to see a kickass movie made by the 2 kings of making something out of nothing.

if we don't see a worthy story we are going to fill the limo with hot chixxxx and go ourselves...

some of the submissions are pretty good, but I want a better selection cuz I'm a bitch like that...


ohh yeah did I mention that we are sending an NSMB special Ops journalist to document your adventure.....


come on NSMB don't let me down......cl

[SIDESHOW]

maybe 24hrs....I wanna go ride Whistler not write press release's, hmm the moto track is open too......

[Dude]

Cory,

I received a submission from a young lady, goes like this:

"Tee hee"

She works at Madamme Cleo's. Deffinitely think you and your bro should fill the limo w/ her and four of her friends, and document it.

;)

[SIDESHOW]

^^^done

[schoenrock]

i was driving home from lilloet with a van loaded with fresh mushrooms when my van suddenly broke down. as i was diagnosing the situation a pick-up filled with natives pulled up and asked what was wrong? i told them my piston broke and they said "us too! jump in"

[cam@nsmb.com]

Ride the Dog

The 1978 chevy chase station wagon complete with eight track (with Fleetwood
Mac rumours stuck in it) broke down on the side of the Californian highway
we took our plates, surfboards and everything we had piled in there and ran.
Me, Jeff and Joelie.

We ended up camped at a bus bench waiting for the greyhound bus to pass
through this bunk little roadside town. It went once a day. We waited
almost 17 hours. Spent the last of our money to board the bus. My
boyfriend was a longhaired multi tattooed surfer I'd met on the beach who
looks slightly menacing. The bluehairs on the bus are worried but warm to
him when he offers up a recipe for grasshopper pie. I meanwhile am being
hit on by the 12 year old sitting beside me offering up a footrub, saying he
was much more mature than most boys his age.

We get a pit stop at a 7/11 and Jeff goes and buys a six pack of beer. He
brings it back on the bus, in a paper bag and puts it in the compartment
above for later. The bus driver who has had it in for him since the
beginning runs back and screams that we are being kicked off the bus. He
throws our shit out the front and Jeff manages to tackle him, suplex him and
lock him out of his own bus with all his passengers cheering on the inside,
welcoming the entertainment.

5 mins later 4 cop cars show up all sirens and lights. They threaten to
arrest us, so dejected we leave the bus. The old ladies weep for Jeff and
say goodbye. Luckily if you walk the highway long enough you will
eventually see the glow of that familiar 7/11 sign.

We enter, buy some pepperoni sticks with the change we have left and wonder
what the hell to do - its 2am, we are broke, we have nothing but a
surfboard, a bbq and maybe a change of underwear.

The 350 pound woman behind the counter overhears us and offers to DRIVE us
to seattle, which is about 5 hours away............is she crazy? Fuck who
cares!

We eagerly and wearily cram ourselves into her tiny Datsun B210 and discover
there is a small child sleeping in the back amongst empty potato chip bags,
coke cans and dirty diapers. The kid awakes and immediately starts hitting
joelie over the head with a moldy loaf of bread thinking its hilarious.

We set off on what is to become our second leg of the trip from hell. The
toddler who is left to roam the car free thinks its really good fun to yank
the car our of gear as we veer all over the highway, Jeff and I are in the
back pretending to be asleep, Joelie in the front (with her head hanging out
of the window because the car reeks so badly of rank pee from the devil
child. Joelie innocently asks why the back window of the car is smashed
out and crazy lady replies "oh my jealous husband is out to kill me and he
came at me with an axe" and proceeds to relay her entire wretched history.
The devil child proceeds to pee on Joelie's pillow.

About two hours into the journey she slams on the brakes - jumps out of the
car and starts screaming that she has been bitten by some sort of bug
(probably huge and thriving off the fine array of garbage in her car) has
bitten her finger. Ummmm ya ok. Drama over she gets back in and we hit the
road again. Another hour passes and we hear sirens and see flashing lights.
Washingston's finest ask her to step out of the car. Turns out she has been
driving with no taillights. They seem to overlook the lack of a rear
window, carseat for the devil child, or the fact that she is completely
fucking bonkers.

Off we go again in the datsun. Another hour and we pull into greasy seattle
greyhound bus station. Stepping over the junkies we politely thank her for
the ride and turn to run. She grabs Joelie's pillow and says "hey you
forgot your pillow" ummm ya thanks.

We enter the bus station, call collect from the payphone everyone we know
(its 4am in the morning and no one is happy to hear from us or feels sorry
about our epic journey) until we finally cajole joelie's roommate into
driving her jeep down to seattle to meet us. (Paul I STILL owe you for that
one).

After we make the call we go outside to borrow a cigarette (what else to
do.....) and the GREYHOUND pulls in. The bluehairs are waving their
hankies at Jeff, my 12 year old is warming up his hands and the bus driver's
crestfallen face was PRICELESS.

Paul finally makes it to the bus station, we all pile in, (not easy in a
samurai) and head for the border. When we finally make it to the crossing,
Jeff starts getting a wee bit antsy and when I query him on it he finally
says "hmmm I am not really allowed to cross the border..............."

FUCK

[Silk]

Here is my long drawn out piss n broke story which started when I was 18

I grew up on a Dairy Farm in Quebec out in the eastern townships not much money
and wild game was often the menu for dinner. When I finished high school and was accepted into U of T in Toronto I did not have much cash for living so I went to Toronto by train with a single backpack determined to make it work.

Scared as hell going to a large city like TO from a small town of a couple thousand all alone was scary to say the least. But I found a few people from Campbellton New Brunswick which was also a town of also a few thousand and with the highest teen pregnancy rate in Canada. They were in the same situation so we worked
together to make it work. we found a place in Richmond Hill which an old lady lived and needed some good honest boys to look after the place while she was away for most of the year in Ireland. The deal was we did this and we got the basement free rent.

To get cash for food and other living needs we went into the can collecting business on week nights and weekends. We got to know many of the local homeless during this time and they gave us many pointers on living in the city with no money. Soup kitchens became a great way to eat, also if you waited behind many of the Tim Horton's they would trash the day old's and you could snatch them up before they went in the trash.

5 years came and went we all finished with our degree's and I went back to Quebec City the way I came. I managed to find a shit job at a software company as the admin just making enough cash for a 1 bedroom basement suite and a single subway sandwich to eat per day. When I left the farm at 18 I was about 205 lbs and after 5 years of this life I was down to 155 lbs and was not feeling to healthy.

The company got a contract here in BC to setup and install a handicap golf software for the British Columbia Golf Association to 250 golf clubs in the province. since I was the only guy in the office who also spoke English I was sent, they screwed me over bad lied about the hotel that was waiting for me and the rental car etc etc... One of the directors at the Golf Association took one look at me in my salvation army cloths and offered up her vacant room in her Condo in New Westminster.

So over the course of a few more years I managed to finish the job I was sent to do. The company was also happy with the work I had done so sent wanted to send me to Japan to do a few months contract work. It was my time to do the screwing after not getting the promised bonus/raises that were always on the way. So I managed to find a great paying
job downtown Vancouver that was due to start in a few weeks. I took the contract work my current employer had offered me in Japan, got on the flight and when I arrived in Japan made the one single phone call to the office and told the owner that I quit.

Stayed in Japan for a few weeks checking things out and went back to Vancouver to start my new job.


Been here since!

[freakonaleash]

Resourcefulness in the middle of nowhere.... Im too young to drink

Anyways. So ive got this really really old kawasaki 125. Cant even remember what the hell it was called. Piece of shit, looked like it was from world war II, also looked like it had tooken a very long salt water bath. Im way the hell out in chehalis lake. Shitty weather out, ready to rain.Anyways im Like way out, around two and a half hours out. We arrive at this place called "hail creek". So im thinking, this is a good idea. Ill take the ol bike down there, play on the beach with it for a bit, give the tires there run for the money right ? So i start heading down this steep rocky downhill. Huge rocks and i can hear the skidplate scraping, everywhere. The 125 two stroke revving low and almost stopping, my hand sore from the hard clutch. So finally I see the beach, YES im down the trail. It was hell going down, so im thinking to my self, man going ups gonna be double hell. Oh well its gonna be fine. Bikes owrking good. Finally the tires touch down on the soft sand and I can feel the bike to fishtail... a little more than usual. I shift down to first and hold the clutch in. The bike slows as I start the revving. Finally I pop the clutch like never before and the bike bogs a tad than hits the reed valves wide open and the gas pours in. The tire doesnt spin though. So I stop and wonder How I just gripped so well... in soft loose sand. I than look at the rear tire and I see the tire scrunched up to the rim. FUCK its flat, I popped it on the rocks. No ones around because the weathers shitty, so what do I do now ? I go up with a flat tire, thats what i do. So up the hillclimb I go, flat tire, rubber spinning on the bead. Not fun. Im flying up ths hill now, really fast and hit a bump really hard. Keep going and im at the top. Tires hot, me sweaty. But for some reason my fox pants feel a little wet (thighs) so I look down. Holy fuck, the bowl off the petcock is well, GONE ! Ive got no tools, only lunch. So what the hell do I do now ? I proceeded to throw a very nice ham sandwich in my mouth with one hand, with my other hand cuppled over the petcock. I threw the plastic bag over the leaking petcock and threw on the elastic band. I had a couple, but decided to throw on one, just to keep some spare in case. So now im two and a half hours into the bush with a leaking petcock, Flat tire, gas soaked pants, and hardly any gas. So I decide im done here and start flying down the logging road, topping out 4th gear. And suddenly theres a sharp uphill, Pin it even more, into 5th it goes. Bike revving high. Than I Hear bogging. What the fuck ? The bag wasnt working well as a petcock, BECAUSE THE ELASTIC GOT EATEN AWAY !!! Fuck. double fuck. Triple fuck. Reach into my back pack and grab an elastic (bikes stopped at this point) and throw one on. Start the bike on a sharp uphill slop barely get it started and start flying down the logging road again. Every 45 minutes or so I had to change the elastic. The second I got home that day I put the bike for sale. Sold it for 500 bucks. Thats my story .

[SIDESHOW]

hmmm we gotta close this thing pretty quick, but we now have a solid top 3 soooo as soon as I get back from chillaxin at Bromme Lake with some cold coronas maybe I'll write a press release....???

[schoenrock]

my story is the best

[SIDESHOW]

okay kids, Cam, Brose and I have picked our top 3, gonna do a post tonite..........so before we do I was hoping you guys could help us decide by picking your top 3, all the stories are posted in this thread, and we wanna get this done sooooooooooo..;

lets here it kids. cl

[freakonaleash]

Cant pick ourselves ? I think i might have missed the deadline :(

White riots was awesome

[Dude]

Ride the Dog

The 1978 chevy chase station wagon complete with eight track (with Fleetwood
Mac rumours stuck in it) broke down on the side of the Californian highway
we took our plates, surfboards and everything we had piled in there and ran.
Me, Jeff and Joelie.

We ended up camped at a bus bench waiting for the greyhound bus to pass
through this bunk little roadside town. It went once a day. We waited
almost 17 hours. Spent the last of our money to board the bus. My
boyfriend was a longhaired multi tattooed surfer I'd met on the beach who
looks slightly menacing. The bluehairs on the bus are worried but warm to
him when he offers up a recipe for grasshopper pie. I meanwhile am being
hit on by the 12 year old sitting beside me offering up a footrub, saying he
was much more mature than most boys his age.

We get a pit stop at a 7/11 and Jeff goes and buys a six pack of beer. He
brings it back on the bus, in a paper bag and puts it in the compartment
above for later. The bus driver who has had it in for him since the
beginning runs back and screams that we are being kicked off the bus. He
throws our shit out the front and Jeff manages to tackle him, suplex him and
lock him out of his own bus with all his passengers cheering on the inside,
welcoming the entertainment.

5 mins later 4 cop cars show up all sirens and lights. They threaten to
arrest us, so dejected we leave the bus. The old ladies weep for Jeff and
say goodbye. Luckily if you walk the highway long enough you will
eventually see the glow of that familiar 7/11 sign.

We enter, buy some pepperoni sticks with the change we have left and wonder
what the hell to do - its 2am, we are broke, we have nothing but a
surfboard, a bbq and maybe a change of underwear.

The 350 pound woman behind the counter overhears us and offers to DRIVE us
to seattle, which is about 5 hours away............is she crazy? Fuck who
cares!

We eagerly and wearily cram ourselves into her tiny Datsun B210 and discover
there is a small child sleeping in the back amongst empty potato chip bags,
coke cans and dirty diapers. The kid awakes and immediately starts hitting
joelie over the head with a moldy loaf of bread thinking its hilarious.

We set off on what is to become our second leg of the trip from hell. The
toddler who is left to roam the car free thinks its really good fun to yank
the car our of gear as we veer all over the highway, Jeff and I are in the
back pretending to be asleep, Joelie in the front (with her head hanging out
of the window because the car reeks so badly of rank pee from the devil
child. Joelie innocently asks why the back window of the car is smashed
out and crazy lady replies "oh my jealous husband is out to kill me and he
came at me with an axe" and proceeds to relay her entire wretched history.
The devil child proceeds to pee on Joelie's pillow.

About two hours into the journey she slams on the brakes - jumps out of the
car and starts screaming that she has been bitten by some sort of bug
(probably huge and thriving off the fine array of garbage in her car) has
bitten her finger. Ummmm ya ok. Drama over she gets back in and we hit the
road again. Another hour passes and we hear sirens and see flashing lights.
Washingston's finest ask her to step out of the car. Turns out she has been
driving with no taillights. They seem to overlook the lack of a rear
window, carseat for the devil child, or the fact that she is completely
fucking bonkers.

Off we go again in the datsun. Another hour and we pull into greasy seattle
greyhound bus station. Stepping over the junkies we politely thank her for
the ride and turn to run. She grabs Joelie's pillow and says "hey you
forgot your pillow" ummm ya thanks.

We enter the bus station, call collect from the payphone everyone we know
(its 4am in the morning and no one is happy to hear from us or feels sorry
about our epic journey) until we finally cajole joelie's roommate into
driving her jeep down to seattle to meet us. (Paul I STILL owe you for that
one).

After we make the call we go outside to borrow a cigarette (what else to
do.....) and the GREYHOUND pulls in. The bluehairs are waving their
hankies at Jeff, my 12 year old is warming up his hands and the bus driver's
crestfallen face was PRICELESS.

Paul finally makes it to the bus station, we all pile in, (not easy in a
samurai) and head for the border. When we finally make it to the crossing,
Jeff starts getting a wee bit antsy and when I query him on it he finally
says "hmmm I am not really allowed to cross the border..............."

FUCK

This one is easily the best!

I'd like to win this little treat, but I'm a married man, and will be up there anyhow, spending a father / son week with Mini Dude.

A limo w/ beer money, and a party w/ easy girls that may just like the idea of a limo ride back to town is nothing more than a recipe for divorce. Give it to somebody who will do the prize justice.

[LeeLau]

silk's the best

[newgirl]

Ride The Dog

can I get a seat in the limo?

[freakonaleash]

This might be a dumbass question but cam@nsmb.com are you a girl ?

[Rat]

This might be a dumbass question but cam@nsmb.com are you a girl ?



Yes and a hot one at that.

[apeshape]

This might be a dumbass question but cam@nsmb.com are you a girl ?

Only in a prison setting.

[freakonaleash]

rat and ape, your not joking right ?

I always have seen the name cam and thought guy, but its unisex. than with the "my boyfirend at the time..." comment. Never knew that. Hope im not getting tricked :(

[apeshape]

Would 2 such highly regarded members of the animal kingdom tug yer leg?

[Putty]

This might be a dumbass question but cam@nsmb.com are you a girl ?

yeah, and he is single too. his box smells like lavender and he likes to part it out.

[gooch]

Would 2 such highly regarded members of the animal kingdom tug yer leg?


Maybe not your leg

[synchro]

This might be a dumbass question but cam@nsmb.com are you a girl ?

yes, it's short for cameron, you know, like that cameron diaz movie chic.
don't believe what the others tell you though, she's not that hot, more like that flo chic from the show mel's diner.

[enduramil]

yes, it's short for cameron, you know, like that cameron diaz movie chic.
don't believe what the others tell you though, she's not that hot, more like that flo chic from the show mel's diner.

Thanks alot. Now you've any sexual fantasies I have for about a month.

[Uncle Duke]

...
don't believe what the others tell you though, she's not that hot, more like that flo chic from the show mel's diner.


I dont think thats very fair..she's hot in an acquired taste kind of way.

[shirk]

This might be a dumbass question but cam@nsmb.com are you a girl ?

Yes it's a girl. She is a lesbian, all the girls on here think she is dreamy.

[enduramil]

yes, it's short for cameron, you know, like that cameron diaz movie chic.
don't believe what the others tell you though, she's not that hot, more like that flo chic from the show mel's diner.

Pics?

[freakonaleash]

Haha, sorry for taking this off topic.

[SIDESHOW]

we have a winner.

[SIDESHOW]

release comin soon....Stuart are you around. Help.

[freakonaleash]

Who won ? When do we find out :)

[schoenrock]

cool! i won!
a round on the house!

[SIDESHOW]

Release should be up tonite on the main page.....maybe stu will post a link to the story.....I gapped out on mentioning that to him......he's pretty clever tho, so not too worry.

If you are concerned about short notice, the winner has already been contacted, so you would know if it was you....lol

[stuart@nsmb.com]

Here you go, folks - the official word from Cory (http://www.nsmb.com/shore_news/ckd_party_07_06.php).

I'm looking to the Vegas Virgin's write-up on things. Should be a treat.

[the flying moose]

congrats "thedude". are you sure its a good idea posting his nsmb name? now his PM box will be full with messages from groms asking him to bring them in exchange for their moms or sisters.

[Dude]

Thanks boys. Completely unexpected, but much appreciated. I'm humbled. Should be a blast.

For the record, it is "Dude". No "the". There is a the...erm...thedude :rolleyes: out there, but he's just a wannabe. ;)

[stuart@nsmb.com]

For the record, it is "Dude". No "the".

Humble apologies. Blame Cory for that one. ;)

[Dude]

Cory gets off squeaky in all this, due to the fact that he's offered to be my sugar daddy for the evening. He could have nicked me "thebitch" for all I care. :D

Seriously though boys, thanks very much. So turns out that this weekend is Mr. & Mrs. Dude's 9th wedding anniversary. We were to be going up Friday, anyhow, but now we'll get a buddy to drive my truck up to our hotel, and he'll take my spot in the limo for the ride back down. Very much looking forward to this; unexpected, nice treat.

PS: be sure to tell Mrs. Dude I'm footing the bill, all as part of the anniversary gift. Thanks in advance. :D

[counterpoint]

Just watched the teaser again. Definately excellent work on ALL parts. This vid's gonna be a doozie! Can't wait until Friday night. Good job boys!

[synchro]

Cory gets off squeaky in all this, due to the fact that he's offered to be my sugar daddy for the evening. He could have nicked me "thebitch" for all I care. :D

Seriously though boys, thanks very much. So turns out that this weekend is Mr. & Mrs. Dude's 9th wedding anniversary. We were to be going up Friday, anyhow, but now we'll get a buddy to drive my truck up to our hotel, and he'll take my spot in the limo for the ride back down. Very much looking forward to this; unexpected, nice treat.

PS: be sure to tell Mrs. Dude I'm footing the bill, all as part of the anniversary gift. Thanks in advance. :D

so how will you explain the strippers and dirtbag mountain bikers that are sharing the limo to whistler with you to the wife?

[Dude]

Good point.

I guess I'll be visiting Birks while I'm up there.

[white ri0t]

so how will you explain the strippers and dirtbag mountain bikers that are sharing the limo to whistler with you to the wife?fuck, he prolly handed them a ticket and made them stand outside for two hours, lipped them off and prolly didn't let them in.

[SIDESHOW]

no that was just you. lol

[Dude]

We allegedly got in and allegedly had a great time. So we've figured by gathering scattered memories and recollections of the alleged event.

[Duncan]

Once, when I was 14, I skipped out on Bible Study and went to the video arcade instead. True story. D.

[Dude]

Well,

I've had some time to consolidate my thoughts here a bit.

Firstly, on getting in: Cory was all over me, Dave, and the limo driver to make sure we got up there by 9:00 in order to ensure we got in. He told me point blank: "The bar has a maximum capacity, so if you guys drag your asses, I can't guarantee you'll get in."

So, fair warning, and fair enough!

Anyhow, the evening was by all accounts a blast! To say all 6 of us we drunk n' debauched would be a major understatement. Clattered, completely. Dave, our drunken babysitter, has some great photos of the ride up. I guess he's going to post those. Myself, Dave, Mrs. Dude, Alisha "call me Wilby" Kirby, George, and Mark all rode in the car. George was in fine form, and the highlight of the ride. I have to sincerely thank my good friend Mike Wilby for driving my truck up for me, then dealing with a bunch of out of control drunks after, as the Mrs. and I were staying for the weekend.

Dave brought several beer, we had our roadies, and we all did our best to empty the limo of any beverage before arriving. We did well. The driver was unbelievable (Duane Woods @ Griffin Transportation, 604-682-4474)...amongst several pee break stops along the way, he somehow managed to get us there w/ plenty of time. Off to the Longhorn for a few Red Bulls and Vodka, and then into the party. Cory's beer fund was put to very good use.

As for the party, I'm not going to pretend I remember much. I'm going to have to buy this CD now- not only to support Cory, but to actually see this video again...cause it is all a blur. I'm pretty sure Mark fell asleep during the viewing, and stayed passed out till he was dropped off in North Van at 3:00.

So, instead of trying to recount a story I can't, I'll tell of the aftermath...

Wake up Saturday morning nursing a nasty headache, but ready for a day up top on Garbonzo. All I needed were my truck keys, to get my riding bag out. Problem: no keys to be found. Anywhere. Go to every lost and found I can think of. Natta. We figured that we used the keys to get into the truck the night before, to retrieve our overnight bags, but the mystery was where they ended up. No BCAA, so I phone them, sign up for a membership, and get them to come unlock my truck (figure I must have locked the keys inside). No keys anywhere. Therefore, I made the split decision to send my house keys (which I keep on a separate chain) down to Coquitlam via Greyhound, plan being for my sister to pick them up in the AM, go to my house in Langley, get my spare truck keys, and come up to Whist. She was coming up anyhow w/ her husband Sunday to pick-up his sister, in town from Ontario. This "Plan B" all involved a fast Taxi to Creekside to catch the bus before it left at 1:00, plus buying the new BCAA membership.

In the AM, as I'm trying desperately to get Greyhound on the line to track my package, Mrs. Dude puts her hand into her pant pocket and pulls out the missing keys. We looked everywhere and never thought to check HER FUCKING POCKETS!

All told, $83.00 spent on plan B, though plan B was never really required.

Anyhow, priceless. Thanks Cory and Ambrose again for allowing a few otherwise mature adults, and responsible parents ourselves, a night out of complete out of control debauchery!

I'll get some photos up here in time...I think George took some.

[Dude]

A picture of Mark, George, and Mrs. Dude arriving in style.

Or not.

This is from my phone.

[SIDESHOW]

glad you kids had fun. Next time I'm takin the limo!!!

[stuart@nsmb.com]

Dave's tale of debauchery will be up on the site in the next day or two. And yes he had photos, but doesn't remember much either.

I introduced him to some friends of mine up there, and they asked - politely - if Dave used to ride the short bus to school. No, I said, he was just blotto. :high:

Sounds like a good time. Thanks for a great party and wicked movie, Cory. Take it from someone who only had four pints - it's well worth watching. :)

[SIDESHOW]

c'mon boys we need er up today, it was supposed to go up before the close of the weekend,

gotta make sure everyone knows about the Vancouver Show, if you can't get the story up throw up a party flyer in the meantime,

thanks but I am always stressed that no one will come to my parties.

[stuart@nsmb.com]

Hey, I can only post it when I have it and I didn't get it until this morning.

I'll do what I can to post it tonight, Cory, seeing as you asked so nicely. ;)

[Mic]

This might be a dumbass question but cam@nsmb.com are you a girl ?

:lol:

as always, my response is a little "late", say snail-ish. and "dude" congrats for a kick-ass evening in one of THE places in the world.

...and the end of the story (i.e. the stay at whistler wit hthe lost keys) is a second kind of pist'n'broke story. scary what you went through in the first place.

[SIDESHOW]

Hey, I can only post it when I have it and I didn't get it until this morning.

I'll do what I can to post it tonight, Cory, seeing as you asked so nicely. ;)


sorry Stu, I didn't mean to be sassy. You know I appreciate your help. Just a little nervous......you know.

[stuart@nsmb.com]

sorry Stu, I didn't mean to be sassy. You know I appreciate your help. Just a little nervous......you know.

No worries, Cory. It's all good, and if the GLC show was any indication, you won't have any problems filling the Waldorf.

[SIDESHOW]

thanks guys, and sweet story Dave. Way to go team.

[Lady Gravity]

AHAHAHAHA great story guys, and a great read :lol: that was awesome

for the internet challenged, go herehttp://www.nsmb.com/shore_news/ckd_contest_winner_07_06.php

[Dude]

The picture of George cooing at Wade is beyond priceless! :D

[Dude]

BTW...Dave, shoot me a PM w/ your personal e-mail address, or Cory, if Dave doesn't check out these boards, please PM me his e-mail.

Thx.